Yesterday I felt envy. I was jealous of all of my friends who are pregnant... which is all of them. I would look at their blogs with their updated fetuses and updated rounded bellies and my jealousy plagued me. Yet, as strange as it sounds, I am still happy for everyone. Anyway, I do not like feeling this way because I don't want to be a bitter person at all. And then the fear came to me. I thought if I continue to let this jealousy eat at me then I won't be appreciative when I get to adopt my babies. I will just feel bitter that I didn't carry them myself. That is the LAST feeling I want.
So this morning, while lying in bed, good feelings came back to me. I am grateful I get to adopt. No one I know, with exception of my aunt and uncle 7 or 8 years ago, gets to experience what I get to experience. They all get the common: I'm pregnant, they grow, then the baby comes. I'M NOT TRYING TO MAKE ANYONE FEEL BAD.. SO PLEASE DON'T :/
I get to know a birth mom. Become one of her best friends, we will be like sisters I hope. And I get to have the spiritual experience of having my new best friend place my baby into my arms. BUT don't get me wrong. I totally know that having a baby is spiritual, oh my goodness of course it is!
OK so I have to think this way so I can feel how special I really am by getting the experience to adopt. Because I don't want to be a bitter, jealous person my whole life. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. I really don't want to offend anyone. I am just trying to explain my thoughts... hugs and kisses!
So this morning, while lying in bed, good feelings came back to me. I am grateful I get to adopt. No one I know, with exception of my aunt and uncle 7 or 8 years ago, gets to experience what I get to experience. They all get the common: I'm pregnant, they grow, then the baby comes. I'M NOT TRYING TO MAKE ANYONE FEEL BAD.. SO PLEASE DON'T :/
I get to know a birth mom. Become one of her best friends, we will be like sisters I hope. And I get to have the spiritual experience of having my new best friend place my baby into my arms. BUT don't get me wrong. I totally know that having a baby is spiritual, oh my goodness of course it is!
OK so I have to think this way so I can feel how special I really am by getting the experience to adopt. Because I don't want to be a bitter, jealous person my whole life. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. I really don't want to offend anyone. I am just trying to explain my thoughts... hugs and kisses!
10 Marks. Feel free to leave yours.:
Oh, yes, I still have those videos! Do you want to get together and watch them sometime?!
Amanda, I think you are 100% right for feeling that way!! I think it is such an incredible thing that you and Blake get to experience together. You're right, it won't be the same as being pregnant, but that doesn't mean IN ANY WAY it won't be any less special. I am so full of excitement for you!!! And I also know how you feel because when I was wanting a baby so bad that's all I could think about, all of my friends were having babies. And it was really hard. I was super excited for them, but I still longed for my own baby. And now my baby is on his way. And yours will be soon too. And by the way, I am making my prediction right now since you don't when he/she will be coming... I think it will be a girl! :)
Amanda, you don't need to apologize for how you feel. You are experiencing something great and I imagine it is a rollercoaster of emotions, just like having a baby is for anyone, regardless of how that little person comes. We are very happy for you and Blake to become parents. Kind of scary to think of Blake as a dad--he is still so young in my eyes. I know he is only two years younger than I. :) Now that is scary. Anyway, we love you both and I am glad you felt confident enough to share how you are feeling. Adoption has always been something I have loved. My best friend is adopted and my other best friend did adopt. So i just love that you get to experience that same thing!
Amanda,
thanks so much for your positive attitude about something so hard. it would be really easy to feel sorry for yourself (trust me, i know all about that), but you're looking at things the right way. you'll be a great mom!
Hi Amanda, I don't know if you remember me from high school but I found out you were adopting from Krista. I just read your post and wanted to let you know that I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you guys have had in growing your family. In addition, you are right, adoption is an amazing thing that you will get to experience and not a lot of other people do. I was an adoption caseworker for LDS Family Services for 2 years and adoption placements were some of the most amazing and spiritual experiences I have experienced. I wish you and Blake the best in your adoption pursuits. I hope that your birth mother finds you soon. (and by the way, you guys did your paperwork and application faster than anyone I have ever worked with. That is impressive!)Good Luck!
Hi! I stumbled across your blog through Alisons. Having gone through infertility I know your feelings and having had friends adopt, I feel they are equal in spiritual experience. Differnt, but equal in so many ways. You may already know about the R house blog...but it's AMAZING. This post in particular is my favorite! Thought you might like it.... http://therhouse.blogspot.com/2007/10/new-dream.html
Amanda-
I've been peaking in on your blog for a little while now. I'm so glad to see you guys are happy. I admire your attitude and strength. Adam's brother and his wife adopted their son, who is now 4. What a beautiful thing! I think it's such an amazing process and a special experience. I hope this happens for you soon - you guys will be wonderful parents. Good luck!
I love you sweetheart! you are a wonderful spirit! I have watched you grow so much and I'm so thankful to have been able to witness it. You have brought our family a special quiet strength and I can't wait to see where all this will lead us all. It was so fun to watch you with the kids tonight. They love you and you are always there to be a part of their lives and you are always teaching, guiding, protecting, and loving them. For that I thank you!We are so excited to be a part of this wonderous ride! I'm so proud of you for processing through these feelings and being teachable to the spirit and coming out on top.
love, Mom
What an incredible person you are! I can completely relate to the feelings of jealousy and envy (even though I'm one of those friends creating that envy right now for you - sorry!), and I think they are perfectly normal. But I have to admire you so much for always turning it around and staying so positive. The fact that you will one day be able to adopt is incredible, and absolutely beautiful! It is different than the norm, but no less special or spiritural or significant. You guys will be such perfect parents.
There is no better to describe my wife than pure love. Our time together has been mor than i could ever ask for, and i owe it all to her. I can completly be myself around her, whether i am being a complete dork, or a tired and boring man her love for me never change. No matter how bored she gets with my sports watching, she still comes home and lets me know what channel my favorites teams are on and when they start. this may not sound like anything big to some, but it shows to me that i mean the world to her and she wants more than anything else to make me happy. This is in her nature, it is who she is. she strives with all her strength to share her love with everyone, and she does an amazing job at it. there is not a person that knows amanda that has not put a smile on their face when she was around. she can make anyone smile and laugh, whether it is because of her cute sense of humor and personality or because of the pure love of christ that shines through her. she will always cheer up your day, exspecailly mine. Whenever i look into her eyes i begin to cry, and believe me it takes alot to get me to cry. but thats just it, she has so much tender love, it melts my heart.
I know that when she holds her future children that they will be held with this pure love. I also know that those children will feel that love and reach for it. they will do all they can to be near her. Just like our little puppy Junior. He will stop at nothing to get into her arms. He will fall asleep in her arms just like a little baby. And at night no matter how hard i try to keep him on my side of the bed, he always finds a way to squirm over to her. this is all because of her amazing motherly love, you just cant help but to feel comfort and warmth in her arms. I love my wife with all of my heart and i a greatful for her in my life. Nothing will make me more happy than to see our future children in the arms of an angel, my beautiful wife amanda. I love you babe!
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