Motherhood

Motherhood. Something that doesn't come to me easily. But I have learned that Motherhood is a divine gift from God- no matter how one becomes a mother. My husband and I had been married 2 and a half years before I found out I wasn't able to have children. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis. I had it so badly that a specialist in Oregon said I could not be "fixed". But the first thought that came to me, even through my tears, was adoption. The very next day after my laparoscopic surgery, we started the paper work for adoption. Seven long and difficult months later, we were approved for adoption in January 2009. It was April 2009 when we were chosen to adopt the baby girl who would be born in June. Then June 1st, our miracle was born. From the time my darling daughter was born until now, my husband and I had been on quite the roller coaster ride together. I was diagnosed with an auto immune disease in October of 2009. ITP (Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura) a rare, strange disease that causes my spleen to create antibodies that kill my platelets which cause me to hemorrhage. Although this hasn't a thing to do with motherhood,  a month later my husband lost his job. 2 years and a move out of our home later, he was able to find another job. Meanwhile, I had been in and out of the hospital 2 more times for ITP. My final time of being in the hospital, December of 2011, I was in the hospital for 2 long weeks. My Hematologist was afraid for my life. He sent me to Huntsman Cancer Institute where they removed my spleen. Ever since then, I haven't had a problem with ITP. I tell you this because it helps me know, even more than before, that pregnancy and child birth just aren't in the books for me. And I'm ok with that. I do have my times where I feel sorry for myself and wonder why I can't have kids easily like the thousands around me. But then I remember how special I must be if a birth mother actually chose me to be the mother of her child. We've since been chosen again to adopt a baby boy who is due in July. It doesn't matter how my children come to my family, as long as I have my children. Motherhood, to me, isn't about being pregnant and having children. It's about being united with my children and becoming each other's for eternity. I have gotten to spend 4 years with my daughter and really bond with her.  Although I've ached for another baby for a couple of years, I'm grateful I got to spend this time with my daughter, just she and I. Birth mom's are the biggest part of why I'm a mother. With out them, their love and selflessness, I wouldn't be a mother today. There is no shame in placing a child for adoption. It gives a husband and wife something they couldn't give each other, the titles of father and mother. Motherhood. Something that has been carefully planned out for me.